


the universe isn't so cruel after all

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Background Relationships, Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, F/M, Falling In Love, Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Loose naming of space objects, M/M, Oblivious Lance (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), broganes, so I decided to take matters into my own hands, they robbed us of shiro/curtis development
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-09-22 19:11:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17065472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The story of shiro and curtis' relationship, from coworkers to friends to more.





	1. Call me Shiro

**Author's Note:**

> this functions as the development that shiro and curtis never got, I'm happy that Shiro's happy, and Curtis is real cute, but they still did Shiro (and Lance, and Allura) dirty! but does this mean that shiro and curtis' ship name is curo, or is it shurtis?

The earth-shaking roar of ATLAS's engines quickly fades to a rumble in the background as the ship exits Earth's atmosphere. As the artificial gravity generator kicks in and they confirm all systems to be fully operational, Shiro allows himself to breath a sigh of relief. Sure, he's at the helm of a 800-meter long ship with approximately 160 crew members, and yeah, they're going to be travelling around the vast expanse of space for the next few years, but he's also in his element now. Earth he loves, but space he  _knows._

For as long as he can remember, he's dreamed of going to space. Feeling the roar of the rocket beneath him as he flies through the atmosphere, seeing the bright stars twinkle beyond the Milky Way, landing on far-off planets and meeting biologically fascinating aliens. He'd entered the Garrison on a full scholarship, the product of several years spent training on an online flight simulator and spending every last second at the library, reading about the first Mars landing and the probes to Neptune and way back to the original race to space. He was so proud when he graduated and was immediately promoted to a Corporal, then to a Sergeant Major, working his way up through the chain tirelessly until he became a First Lieutenant. He met Adam and fell in love. For a while, he was coasting along.

Then came the diagnosis.

It was devastating. All of his dreams, withering away just like his muscles. They'd screened his DNA for genetic diseases when he was an embryo, but they always said that he would be fine. That even though he's at risk, the chance of developing a hereditary disease was below 2%.

Shiro was never the type to give up, though. Adam forced him to tell the Garrison, of course, but he hid it from everyone else. He did his simulator training, doubled his daily workout, put up his best front. He went to schools to recruit new students. He met Keith and adopted him into his life.

He was selected for the Kerberos mission. He knows that Adam fought them tooth and nail on that decision. He knew that the choices he would make would lead to their inevitable split, but he couldn't let this opportunity go, and he wouldn't make Adam suffer while watching him wither away either. The last words he ever said to the love of his life were "this is something I need to do for myself" - cruel, maybe, but necessary.

One death, a hundred clones and 4 years later, he's here. All alone, facing the glittering expanse of space head-on, like it was always meant to be.

"Sir, the kitchen staff is having trouble with the equipment, could you send someone to help them?" Veronica's voice cuts through his reminiscence, sharp as a knife.

"Yes, if Hunk isn't too busy he should be able to help."

Veronica pulls up the comm holo-screen to send a quick message to Hunk. A few seconds later, Hunk's reply (a cheerful 'sure!') pops up, and Lieutenant McClain dismisses the holo-screen with a wave of her fingers.

Reports like that continue to trickle in over the next few hours, the product of people trying to make this new, unfamiliar spaceship a place they can call home. Before Shiro knows it, a short melody plays over the speakers to announce lunch break, and everyone on the bridge heads towards the cafeteria, letting their veneer of professionalism slide in favor of raunchy jokes and comedic stories.

"Sir, I'll stay here and man the bridge. Go down to the cafeteria and relax a bit, being captain isn't an easy job." Says Veronica.

"Are you sure, Veronica? Don't you want to eat with your friends?"

"Not today... Lance is mad at me for 'interrupting' his dinner date with Allura so I'm ignoring him. Says I ruined the mood by mentioning Keith, or something like that. I wasn't even  _talking_ about Keith, he's just being petty again - sorry, sir, I'm getting a little off track. Anyways, even if you're not going to the cafeteria, you should go rest. You look tired."

Shiro chuckles. "That sounds like Lance. Why'd he think you were talking about Keith?"

"Well, I asked if he could get me a date with Romelle, but I thought it might make Allura feel uncomfortable with me talking about her friend during her date, so I asked if he could 'set me up with his long-haired friend' instead," she groans, "but he thought it was Keith. You know, if I didn't know better I'd think he was jealous!"

"I see. If it makes you feel better, I know Romelle is single." Don't ask him how he knows, but he does make it a priority to get to know everyone on his ship.

"Oh? Does Captain Shirogane have a secret love of gossip?" Teases Veronica, her smile eerily mirroring her brother's troublemaking grin.

"No, I just know my crew well. I'll go down to the cafeteria then, since you're staying here." Shiro leaves in a hurry before Veronica can say anything more.

\---

So yeah, he said he'd go to lunch, but that might not be possible at this rate. He looks to the left. Shiny metal corridor walls. To the right, also shiny metal corridor walls. The same orange-brown-silver color scheme everywhere he turns. He doesn't know how it happened, but he's a captain lost on his own ship.

 _That's really sad,_ he thinks, pushing off of another wall and floating around another turn. But can anyone blame him? All these corridors look exactly the same. If he could just find a door, then he'd be able to triangulate his position...

 _Ah, there's one!_ After a bit of positioning, he manages to float over to the plaque beside the door, which reads 'Hydraulic Systems Data Room'. That data room is a level above the cafeteria, and it's at the back of the ship near the engines - several hundred meters away from the cafeteria, which is in the middle, serving the hub for all the crew members. Honestly, they really need to make maps of this place. Maybe put up some of those "you are here" posters on every floor.

_From here I should go back down the corridor and turn right, then keep going until I see the... storage room? Or one of the tech labs?_

"Maybe I should just wait for somebody to come along... but I'm the captain of the ATLAS, I should know my own ship!"

As if some space god answered his laments, the door to the data room hisses open and a tall man with dark hair floats out, clutching a grey folder with papers sticking out to his chest.

"...Yeah, I'll get these documents to you after lunch. I'm going to the cafeteria now - " 

Shiro pinpoints the exact moment the man notices him in the corridor. His eyes widen slightly and he sucks in a breath of surprise. The folder drops from his arms, but thanks to the energy-conserving zero-g corridor policy, it bobs up and down in midair and the papers don't spill out.

"Captain - !" He starts, before Shiro shushs him quickly.

For a moment, there's silence as they look at each other. A woman's voice crackles through the earpiece the man is wearing, and finally (it seemed like an eternity to Shiro, looking into his eyes... why?) the man confirms something and says goodbye.

Then, he snatches the folder and gives Shiro a perfect Garrison salute.

"Captain Shirogane, sir, what are you doing here?" He asks.

"I... might be a little bit lost. I'm trying to get to the cafeteria, could you help me find my way there?"

Shiro feels a wave of sheepishness wash over him when the man starts laughing, but he stops laughing soon enough and steadies himself against the wall.

"Sorry, it's just, you're the captain of the ATLAS and you forgot how to get to the cafeteria? And here I thought you were this amazing genius pilot!" He grins up at Shiro through a fresh wave of laughter and Shiro feels  _something_ twinge deep in his heart.

Something familiar. It's like when he first met Adam outside the Garrison dorms, like when one of his bad science jokes made Adam burst into laughter (he always did love his jokes), like when they watched the first sunrise of the new year on the Garrison roof and the light hit Adam's eyes just right.

_What is this?_

"...Sir? Captain Shirogane? Are you okay?"

And he's dragged painfully back to the real life yet again. "Yes, I'm fine. I just spaced out for a bit... I guess I'm still trying to adjust to the ATLAS."

"Don't worry, everyone else is also having a bit of trouble! I just met my roommate this morning and  _man,_ is he a grouchy one! Maybe you know him, he's Lieutenant Phillip Tiersen?"

"Phillip Tiersen..." the name is familiar, he used to share a few classes with that guy. "I've heard of him, he used to be one of Iverson's cadets. He was in the same year as me."

"Cool! And you know, I think they should really provide us with maps of the ship, or put up some 'you are here' posters. It would really help, right?"

Shiro finds an easy smile sliding onto his face, his muscles releasing their tension and his body relaxing. "I was just thinking the same thing!"

The man laughs. He has a pretty smile. And dimples that make him look like the handsomest officer in the Garrison. Wait, why is he noticing these thing? Shouldn't he be trying to get to the cafeteria? He clamps down those wayward thoughts and tears his eyes away from the man's face.

"Anyways, how do you get to the cafeteria from here?" Says Shiro, forcing his thoughts to remain focused on the task at hand.

The man gasps and shuts his mouth tight a second later, like he didn't mean to do it. "I'm so sorry, sir, I get sidetracked a lot and you're honestly one of my idols and I have no idea why I kept talking or why I'm still doing it but just go down that way and turn left then turn right at the first turn and take the elevator to level 3!" His face is slightly reddened after the whole spew of words and he looks mortified, and Shiro can't help but think -  _cute._

His brain is very traitorous.

But he  _is_ cute, with velvety dark skin and floppy chocolate brown hair that looks as smooth as silk, and eyes as blue and deep as the sea. And a daydreamy smile, a melodic laugh and large, soft lips...

_Seriously, stop._

_I can't do this. What would Adam think?_

_No, Adam's gone. He's gone and it's over, so forget it already!_

_But I can't -_

"Um, sir, you're spacing out again..."

"Oh, thank you. For the instructions. I'll, uh, go now..."

It really feels like he's walking away from a golden opportunity without looking back. Thoughts of Adam and the report of his death and the cold marble memorial circle through his head on repeat.

_Takashi Shirogane, do you really want to go on like this?_

Before he's realized it, he's turned back to look at the man, still standing beside the doors.

"You - you said you were going to the cafeteria, right?" He asks, hardly believing that he's saying these words right now.

The man nods hesitantly. "Yeah...?"

"Then..." he blurts out the rest of his sentence before a more rational part of his mind can stop him. "Maybe you could accompany me to the cafeteria?"

A bright smile meets his invitation. "I'd love to, sir!"

And Shiro doesn't know why his hands were shaking as he said that, or why his chest feels so tight right now, but he does know that he'd like to get to know this person more.

For the first time in days, Shiro feels a true smile, mirroring the man's, start to spread across his face.

"Please, call me Shiro."


	2. Lunch Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is absolutely not a pun on s8 ep1, not at all...

They’re floating through the empty corridors of the ATLAS, and Shiro feels like his brain has been divided into two warring factions as divergent as the fork in the hallways up ahead – the “don’t disrespect Adam’s memory like this!” side and the “it’s time to move on already!” side. And he’s standing on the sidelines while his neurons duke it out, unable to provide commentary on an issue that should be his to decide.

The man is blissfully oblivious to Shiro’s inner conflict, rambling on about his roommate and the ol’ Garrison days and ‘can I really call you Shiro, sir – Shiro?’. Some deep, dark part of Shiro’s brain stirs awake as he watches the man, so cheerful and vibrant and so far removed from his previous life of daily battles and tense strategy meetings.

It infiltrates the ranks of both factions, whispering that this is the perfect opportunity to relax with a cute guy and have a nice, laid-back lunch in peace. Whispering that he should just stop fighting with himself and go along with his own instincts. And Shiro knows that he should relax and shut down those intrusive thoughts – he just thought it would be easier to let go. To say goodbye and move on, never forgetting but still walking towards his future.

He sighs and pushes off the wall listlessly, his mind wandering off into bothersome thoughts of Adam and their time on Earth pre-Kerberos.

Something taps his shoulder and he jolts out of his thoughts, whirling around to face the threat and unconsciously shifting his body into a battle stance before he realizes that it’s just the man again. Lieutenant Williams…  _what’s his first name?_

He feels the adrenaline coursing through his body, he feels his fists clenched and his arms tensed in preparation for the first blow, and most of all, he feels angry that he keeps reacting like this. The mental health classes that he took at the Garrison always mentioned PTSD, but he never thought it would make him so battle-ready and paranoid.

“Shiro? Um, you were spacing out again.” Lieutenant Williams’ face falls into one of slight concern, and quick as a flash Shiro’s anger shifts into shame, over not being able to control his instincts and over making a person he just met worry about him.

“I guess I’m just a little off my game today, heh…”

Lieutenant Williams slides to a stop in front of Shiro, turning to face him. “Shiro. You’re gonna be okay. It might be hard to even think that the future will be better, but trust me. You’re gonna be okay.”

And maybe it’s the seriousness hiding behind Lieutenant Williams’ kind eyes, or the gentle smile accompanying his words, but that might be just what Shiro’s been waiting to hear all this time.

His stunned, grateful silence must seem to be stony disapproval to Lieutenant Williams, though, because he quickly backtracks with a “Oh my gosh that was out of line I’m very sorry for speaking that way!”

Shiro can’t help it anymore, he bursts into laughter.

“Um, Shiro?”

He realizes that he feels genuinely good now, that the heaviness and responsibility weighing upon his shoulders is dissipating. They do say laughter is the best medicine for a reason, and Shiro can feel it coursing through his body, making it feel light and floaty.

“Shiro? Captain Shirogane?”

“Ah, I’m also sorry for acting so distant. I was just a little surprised by your words, but I’m happy you said that, I feel much better now. You’re very kind, Lieutenant…”

Lieutenant Williams grins and turns back towards the hallway. “The name’s Curtis Williams, sir!”

“You know you can call me Shiro, right?”

“The sir was supposed to be for comedic effect,  _Shiro._ ”

They reach the elevator doors, and Lieutenant Williams grabs ahold of one of the handles as he jabs the down button. Shiro does the same, and they stand in an awkward silence until the elevator chimes with its arrival.

Inside, Shiro breaks the silence with a question that’s been poking around the edges of his thoughts for a while now.

“Earlier, you said that I was one of your idols. Do you really think I’m this ‘amazing, genius pilot’?”

Lieutenant Williams stiffens, and if the lighting isn’t deceiving his eyes, his face reddens. (Shiro would like to think that his vision is near-perfect. He hopes it is, the blush is adorable.)

“Well… you set new Garrison records for almost every pilot course and you were the valedictorian of your graduating class, you got chosen to be one of the scientists on the Kerberos mission, and now you’re the captain of this prestigious ship. To be completely honest, I admire you a lot and I do think you’re an extraordinary pilot, and I have no idea why I’m saying this because it’s super embarrassing and… I’ll shut up now.”

Shiro feels his own face begin to heat up, his heart pounding fast in his chest. He wasn’t completely oblivious to the fact that he was as near as you could get to a celebrity in military circles – before the Kerberos mission, he even had some of the children at a school he was visiting ask for his autograph. He’d always felt a sense of both satisfaction and humbleness, delighted that his accomplishments had inspired others to chase their dreams, and embarrassed that he was suddenly a role model for those people.

This time, though, the feeling is different. Not like the joy he got when finding out that Lance wanted to be just like him at the Garrison (what team leader wouldn’t be proud?) or the inevitable ‘you were the Black Paladin, right? Nice to meet you.’ That he got when introduced to the other crew members aboard the ATLAS, but a bubbly uprising of giddiness swirling in his stomach. Happiness at being a person that Lieutenant Williams would speak highly of.

Oh, he knows what this is leading to. He knows nothing good will come of it, and he’ll just wind up alone and heartbroken in the end, like every single time.

With bitterness in his mouth, he pushes that giddiness down, down until it’s buried deep under layers of memories and feelings. He puts it under lock and key, throws the key away to the far recesses of his mind, and hopes that the key doesn’t come crawling back.

 _I don’t deserve to feel like that anyways,_ says the treacherous part of his brain, reminding him of how he left Adam of his own free will, of how he abandoned the love of his life for the dream of Kerberos and stars, a dream that would have ended in two years no matter what he did or where he went.  _Of how I left him at the mercy of the Galra._

But… he can at least try to be friends with Lieutenant Williams, right?

“Thank you again, Lieutenant Williams. I seem to recall seeing some of your own records in the Garrison logs, though. During the years that passed while Voltron was away, your rank was increased two times and you came close to setting new records in the asteroid simulator and the anti-g training course.”

Lieutenant Williams laughs awkwardly at that. “It’s still nowhere near the flawless track record you had, though.”

Several memories come rushing back at Lieutenant Williams’ words. Flawless track record? Really?

“You know,” he starts, wondering why his brain thinks it’s a good idea to tell a person he just met this, “I broke a few rules back in my Garrison days. I just never got caught – and don’t tell  _anyone_ this, least of all Keith, but one time I stole a hoverbike and did a few laps around the outdoor course.”

_And all those other times you hid in the shadows of supply closets with Adam, laughing after the patrols passed by, and kisses stolen in empty hallways._

“Seriously?! The impeccable Takashi Shirogane stealing a hoverbike? Such horror, so scandalous!” He chuckles.

“I accidentally scratched it on the side of that boulder at the midpoint of the course. Nobody ever found out, though.”

Lieutenant Williams floats into the crowded hallway as the elevator doors slide open, and Shiro follows. He tries to ignore the salutes and whispers that accompany his arrival, he really does. He waves and greets everyone by name and smiles what Keith calls his ‘leader-mode smile’, but even after 7 months in the spotlight on Earth, the attention still unsettles him.

But Lieutenant Williams doesn’t seem to mind. He grins and winks at Shiro, turning in midair to face him, not letting his eyes slide to the people watching him and Shiro pass by.

“I always wondered why Hoverbike A-29 had that long scratch on the left side of the wing. None of the cadets in my year could tilt the bike at the angle necessary to inflict the damage so close to the cockpit… but  _now I know._ ” He whispers the last words theatrically, and Shiro thinks he’s joking for a brief second until he realizes that Lieutenant Williams identified the correct bike.

“Ooh. Did you ever think about who it was?” Okay, that question is completely unnecessary. But he must admit, if Lieutenant Williams says ‘yeah, I suspected it was you’, he would be weirdly proud of himself.  _Since when did I start being proud of misdemeanors?_

And _of course_  Lieutenant Williams has go and say “Yeah, I knew it had to be someone a few years above me since the scratch was pretty old, and a talented someone to boot because of the placement of the scratch.” With that stupid charming smile of his.

 _Of course_ he has to add an offhanded “I’m impressed, though – who would have ever thought that you would do something like that?”

_Oh. I guess since right now._

They share a laugh and Lieutenant Williams nearly elbows Shiro in the stomach while opening the cafeteria door for him.

When the ATLAS was being built, the cafeteria was planned to be a small place where cadets and crew members could go to take a break, like a teachers’ lounge except for pilots. Somehow, it ended up being a 50-by-50 meter room capable of seating each and every one of the 165 people aboard, complete with a kitchen worthy of Gordon Ramsay and three separate food bars. Right now, it's filled with crew members from all over the ship, chatting and joking, and Shiro's gaze flits around the room as he searches for the other paladins.

He doesn't see Pidge or Hunk, but he does see Lance and Allura sitting together near one of the food bars, looking like they're having the time of their life, exchanging loving glances when they think no one's looking. And Keith, sitting alone in the corner table, definitely watching Lance shoot a besotted grin at the princess, his face in a sharp scowl. The MFE pilots are all sitting in a group next to Lance and Allura - knowing Lance and Cadet Rizavi, they're probably trading tales of their adventures. Cadet Kinkade has a small screen in his hand, aimed at the two adrenaline junkies, Cadet Liefsdottir sits as stone-faced as ever, and Cadet Griffin laughs along with them.

Take away the military uniforms, Shiro thinks, and you'd have a group of normal teens.

Absentmindedly, he grabs one of the silver food trays after taking some time to adjust to the normal gravity of the cafeteria and lets the chefs scoop the day's meal onto them. Sam and Hunk managed to convince the commanders back at the Garrison to allow them to carry non-freeze-dried food onto the ship, so now they have lovely non-perishable items like chunky mashed potatoes and chemically reinforced bread. At least they're tailored to contain the necessary amount of vitamins and minerals that the average adult human would need per day. Shiro used to keep track of that after the diagnosis, and old habits die hard.

He reaches the end of the line with a full food tray on one hand, grabs a cup of tea from the beverage offerings with the other, and looks around to find that Lieutenant Williams is nowhere to be seen. After searching for a second, he sees him headed towards one of the tables and calls his name before he can stop himself.

Lieutenant Williams turns around, as do half of the people in the general vicinity.

And before Shiro even thinks about it, he blurts out "Do you want to sit with me?".

Lieutenant Williams lights up like a Christmas tree. "Sure! Where do you want to sit?" He calls back, already walking over.

"Oh, I have an idea..."

It takes a bit of maneuvering and a few apologies (whose idea was it to make the gap between tables so  _small_?) but he makes it over to Keith's table. The Black Paladin is still scowling and only gives a terse nod when Shiro asks if he can sit here. A wave of sympathy for Keith wells up in his heart, he knows first-hand how painful unrequited love can be. And it really isn't on purpose, but if Shiro chooses a seat that blocks Keith's view of Lance and Allura, it's totally a coincidence.

The clinking of utensils is the only sound at their table for an awkward minute until Keith asks, "So who's your friend?"

"This is Lieutenant Curtis Williams. Lieutenant Williams, this is Keith Kogane - you probably know him."

Keith pulls on an empty, professional smile as he reaches across the table to shake his hand, but the moment he retracts his hand the smile slides off.

"Nice to meet you, Keith." Says Lieutenant Williams. "Also, please call me Curtis - we're friends, right?"

He looks really happy with that statement, so Shiro goes along with it, but - "Yes, we don't know much about each other though, so... what's your favorite color?"

Curtis blinks. "Well, it used to be purple, but the Galra invasion ruined that for me. Now, I prefer dark blue and brown."

"The Galra really like their purples. I'm in the same position, purple makes me think of their lasers and Sendak. Light pastels are nice and calming, though."

"Hmm. Why can I picture you wearing pastels? Not that you wouldn't look good in them - oh man that sounded really weird I swear I didn't mean it in a weird way - but I always pegged you as a guy who likes dark colors and coffee."

Shiro laughs at the mental image. He's not sure what he looks like in pastels, considering that he's never really worn them before, but Curtis saying that he'd look good is reassuring.

"Wrong. I only drink tea - hey, don't look at me like that, tea is good for your health!"

Curtis smiles. "Look at you like what?"

"All disappointed that I don't drink coffee."

"Whaaat? I was  _not_ looking at you disappointed that you don't drink only the greatest drink ever known to mankind, and probably aliens as well." He looks away with false innocence, fluttering his eyelashes, and Shiro's traitorous heart skips a beat.

He's feeling confident today.

"Oh yeah? Let's test that." He says with a smirk on his face. "Allura! What's the greatest drink ever?"

The princess turns to look at them, and out of the corner of his eye he sees Keith stiffen. "I'd say it's Nunvill!" She giggles when Lance makes a disgusted noise.

"Oh, Lance, it's not so bad once you get used to it."

"Whatever it is, it can't be better than you, princess." Lance purrs, and Allura gives him a soft smile.

"Aww, they're cute." Remarks Curtis, and Shiro hears Keith's fork drop onto his tray before he sees Keith's face shadowed and closed off. He knows that look. The one he gets when he distances himself from everyone and won't talk to anyone, even Shiro.

Keith stands up abruptly before Shiro can try to comfort him. "I'm going to go train. See you later." He says, before rushing out of the cafeteria, abandoning his half-eaten tray of food.

"Keith - " Shiro starts, but he's already gone.

"Ooh. Did I say something wrong?" Curtis grimaces.

Try as he may, Shiro can't skirt around the topic more than he already is. "Not really, but Keith has... well, he's a little bit in love with Lance." It's supposed to be a secret, but Keith can't blame him for telling Curtis when he just had a bout of jealousy in front of him.

"Ah, that makes sense." He pauses for a second and makes a guilty face. "Should I apologize? Did I make him feel worse?"

Shiro shakes his head - it would only alienate Keith further. "Give him some time to clear his head, I'll talk to him later." He sighs and picks at his peas, wishing that Keith didn't have to watch them fall in love from afar.

"You're worried, aren't you? Why don't you talk to him now?"

"Keith is stubborn. If I try now, he'll just avoid me. He needs time alone to cool his head and sort through his feelings, if I tried he wouldn't even say a word to me." It pains him to not be able to do anything, but he'll take what he can get.

"Oh... he seems like a good kid. I hope he'll be alright."

"Don't worry, he's strong. I know he'll get through this."

Curtis's eyes twinkle. "He's probably following your example."

"You really think so?"

"Hmm, do I?"

"Rude."

"Haha, I'm just kidding!"

Their conversation slips back into the 'getting to know each other' theme they had earlier, and by the time lunch break has ended, Shiro knows that Curtis has two younger siblings named Reina and Aren, that his favorite animal is the penguin (they're just so adorably fluffy! He said), that he has a secret love for old sci-fi TV shows and can tell you obscure facts about them, that he once broke his arm from falling off a hoverbike, and that his favorite planet is Neptune, among other things.

Some part of Shiro's brain that is stupidly bold whispers to ask if he likes guys.

The rational part shuts that down quickly, but he's already wondering.  _I'm just curious,_ he tells himself,  _Curtis is funny and geeky and empathetic and adorably cheerful and really, really kind, but I'm not interested. Definitely not._

But he can't help asking, "Will I be seeing you around?" As they're waiting next to the elevators.

Oddly enough, his new friend grins and says "Who knows? Maybe you'll see me sooner than you think."

 _Huh?_ "What does that mean?"

Curtis floats into an elevator going down and winks. "Guess you'll find out soon enough!"

He has a lot more questions about those cryptic statements, but the elevator doors slide close before he can ask any of them.

Shiro feels the slightest bit dejected as he walks onto the bridge. It's back to being a confident and charismatic leader who always knows what to do - the role is stressful at the very least, and while he loves it, it's nice to take a break every once in a while. Yesterday he said to relax, but he got caught up in launch preparations and last-minute paperwork and -

He groans and brushes those thoughts from his mind, instead choosing to look forward to the next time he sees Curtis.

\---

"Captain Shirogane, this is the new bridge member, he'll be monitoring the IGF-Atlas's systems and manning the weapons system with Lieutenant McClain." Says Commander Iverson.

"A new bridge member?" He glances at the right side of the room, with its unoccupied station. The original systems monitor had a family emergency and quit the crew two days ago, but Shiro had assumed that the selection process would take a little longer.

"Hello!"

_Is that...?_

"I'm Lieutenant Curtis Williams. Nice to meet you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello yes I have adopted Curtis he is my child now and I love him.


	3. Hey Jude (Don't Be Afraid)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Curtis and Veronica debate the merits of Astrophil and Stella (briefly), the elevator hears some juicy gossip, and Shiro is the go-to Space Dad figure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to write, holidays were super busy :/ I have a skating test tomorrow early morning why am I doing this to myself

“Nice to meet you!” says Lieutenant Curtis Williams with a cheeky smile directed right at him. The captain of the IGF-Atlas. Who just now figured out that the cute guy he had lunch with is now (literally, since he’s sitting at the far-right station) his right-hand man. Who didn’t even bother to check with Commander Iverson who their new systems monitor would be. Usually he’d be more diligent about keeping these things organized, and he’d meant to ask Commander Iverson about it today, but somehow it slipped his mind.

Or more like – a certain person managed to distract him enough that he slipped out of his ‘responsible, charismatic captain’ mode and forgot his position for an hour.  

_Well, it wasn’t so bad, was it? You had fun, right?_  

But no - it’s not like he didn’t have fun, it’s that he needs to remember that he’s the captain and not just a regular crew member, and that he can’t forget that he has all this responsibility on his shoulders. He can’t afford to make mistakes or be irresponsible. 

Shiro’s cheeks burn in embarrassment, or maybe it’s because Curtis ( _he’s under your direct_ _management now, think of him as Lieutenant Williams!_  He chides himself) shot a wink at him just now, while Commander Iverson went on and on about the power that Curtis has now and how to do his job correctly. 

_Get a hold of yourself, Takashi Shirogane._  

He manages to walk down the steps of his captain’s platform and shake Curtis’s hand without any difficulty. “Nice to meet you, Lieutenant Williams. I’m Captain Takashi Shirogane, and this is my crew. Commander Iverson is in the station to your right, he controls our weapons and shield systems with Veronica, Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe is in the center and he mans the comms and the scanners, Lieutenant Veronica McClain is on Coran’s left.” Curtis looks a little overwhelmed as each crew member stands up to shake his hand. 

“Hello, Lieutenant Williams! You can just call me Coran, or maybe Coran, Coran, the gorgeous man – in my younger days I used to be what you Earthlings might call a stud, so it is fitting!” Coran smooths out his mustache and grins proudly. The combination of his odd, almost-English accent, his peculiar inflection, and his misuse of ‘Earthling’ slang has better comedic value than the old  _Saturday Night Live,_ and Shiro can see Curtis’s face contort as he tries not to laugh. 

“Hey, I’m Veronica McClain, you can call me Veronica. Welcome to the IGF-Atlas’s cockpit, newbie.” Commander Iverson’s good eye narrows at Veronica’s snarkiness, but as usual, he only barks a “Watch your insubordination!” 

“Technically, I’m more experienced than him…  _sir_ …” she mutters. 

“I’m pleased to meet you all, and I look forward to working with you!” Curtis exclaims excitedly with a salute. 

_Cute._  

“Well, Shiro, I’m surprised you remembered all that! My pop-pop used to be the only one who remembered my full name, he used to call me that too… Perhaps because he was the original Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe!"

_Argh, this is really not the time to do this!_

“Shiro? Hey!” Coran’s face suddenly appears right in front of his, glorious mustache and all. He stumbles back in surprise, realizing that he’s spacing out. Yet again. For, what is it, the fifth time in two hours?  _Quiznak._   

“Ah! I suppose I’m just good at remembering names, Coran.” 

“Not so good at paying attention, is he?” Whispers Curtis to Veronica. This is probably where he should be annoyed, but Curtis’s eyes twinkle with mischief, just  _daring_ him to say something, and Shiro can’t really help the fact that those eyes seem to melt away that strict annoyance.

He settles for saying, “I heard that, Cur –  _Lieutenant Williams._ ” 

"Cur?” Veronica echoes, “Did you just – ”

Thankfully, whatever she was about to say is cut off by the ship suddenly jolting beneath their feet. The monitors turn red, overloaded by a number of urgent messages from both the automated systems and Sam in the control room, and Shiro gives a yelp of surprise as he nearly loses his balance. Maybe not-so-thankfully, though, since the view that greets Shiro as he pulls himself up on the platform’s railings is that of a massive asteroid field that seems to stretch on forever. The star they’re orbiting baths the ATLAS’s bridge with harsh, blinding light, but he can still make out the marks of impacts on the asteroids and the jagged planes of the closest ones. They’re  _massive,_ and dread overtakes Shiro’s mind. 

“How did we miss this?!” Shouts Veronica, now completely focused on the incoming threats, while Commander Iverson bellows instructions over the comms. 

“It seems like the autopilot system didn’t turn the long-range astro-field object detectors on, the only warning we got was one from the near-range infrared scanners a few dobashes ago!” Coran exclaims as he rushes over to his control station and frantically tries to dismiss the messages, respond to them, and bring up the secondary engine panel all at once. 

“In English please!” Veronica huffs, somehow having the composure to sound snarky. 

“Somebody didn’t program the autopilot system to turn on the object detector, so we only got a warning a few minutes ago – ” starts Shiro, accustomed to deciphering Coran’s rapid-fire speech and persistent use of Altean time units for the officers back at the Garrison, then realizes what’s wrong with the statement. “Veronica, I thought you were going to stay in the control room while we went to lunch? Why is the ship on autopilot?” 

She grins guiltily. “I, uh, went to train at the shooting range?” At the frustrated looks the others give her, she continues, “Hey! We passed by 9-Stella just before lunch, there weren’t supposed to be any objects in this area.” 

Coran is too focused on maneuvering the ship to respond, but Commander Iverson growls. “Space is full of unexpected things, Lieutenant McClain. Always be on the lookout.”

“Also, Alpha-Stella is named after Sidney’s famous sonnet sequence, and we’re passing by her companion star Beta-Astrophil right now, so it wouldn’t surprise me that there’s an asteroid belt here – after all, the relationship in  _Astrophil and Stella_ is rocky and long.” Curtis pipes up from his station.

“That really makes no sense, don’t compare asteroid belts to centuries-old poetry. Nerd.” Veronica rolls her eyes. 

Curtis glares at her as he swipes away an incoming notification. “Well, it looks like the primary engine cooling system is malfunctioning, just like Astrophil’s love!” 

“FOCUS ON THE MALFUNCTIONING SYSTEM INSTEAD OF DEBATING LITERATURE, LIEUTENANTS!” yells Commander Iverson. 

“Sorry, Sir!” They both yelp, though Curtis giggles quietly as he goes back to his work. 

Not that Shiro has time to notice that, though. He’s too busy piloting the ATLAS through this treacherous field and checking up on the backup coolers. Yep, he’s definitely too busy to notice it. The clear sound is  _not_ on constant replay in his head. 

“Veronica, please send a log of this asteroid belt back to the Garrison for future reference. I’ll try to get us out of this and to a safe distance where we can take a full scan of the asteroid belt.” 

It isn’t easy to pilot a giant ship through an asteroid belt full of bits of debris that could destroy an essential part of any system, but Shiro thinks he and Coran are doing it swimmingly – the only trouble they’re having is restoring the cooling system so that the engines won’t overheat, and Sam’s updates say that him and Slav are close to fixing the problem. 

Keith’s voice suddenly crackles through the comm link they’ve connected to the lions. “Shiro! What happened?” 

“We crashed into an asteroid, there’s no need to go to your lions – ” 

“Uh… we’re already in our lions…” Pidge says sheepishly, and indeed, their scanners are picking up the presence of the lions flying on their starboard side. 

“Guys, Commander Iverson said the situation was under control, and that we weren’t on attack, and to  _stay put._ Did you not hear that?” 

“We  _thought_ we were under attack! You know, we just go into battle mode whenever there’s that possibility… we didn’t really hear Commander Iverson say anything.” Lance protests. His tone is lively and indignant, but Shiro hears the weariness behind it. The irony in saying that they’re all so used to living in constant alertness, used to the numb feeling of battle, and then playing it off as something totally normal. 

Curtis and Veronica notice it too, their faces taking on a worried look, but neither of them say anything. Shiro knows that Veronica struggled with that, too, being a high-ranking officer at the Garrison managing the battle as the Galra invaded and being taken prisoner, and the scars the Galra have left run deep. He wouldn't be surprised if Curtis' family was also affected.

“It’s fine, Lance. Since you’re in your lions, could you help us move these asteroids out of the way?”

“Sure thing!” Hunk says, used to doing most of the heavy lifting with the help of Yellow’s boosters and reinforced claws, and soon the five lions fly into view. 

Within a few minutes, they’ve cleared a path for the ATLAS out of the asteroid belt, and Shiro gratefully thanks them for their help. 

“Aw, no problem!” Lance says, and it would have been  _great_ if he just stopped there, but no – “Hey, Allura, you and Blue were super cool out there! I would have never thought of using the sonar cannon like that!"

Shiro almost facepalms right in front of the rest of his crew. 

“Thank you, Lance! You and Red were also… as humans might put it, on fire out there!” Responds Allura. 

“Hey, was that a pun, Allura? Oh my gosh, it was!” Hunk says, and both Allura and Lance laugh.

And that is exactly when Shiro becomes conflicted. On one hand, Allura sounds so light and carefree, far away from the problem of the Altean from the colony and Lotor’s death and the whole mess that the last year had been. Lance, too, sounds less stressed and homesick, and it’s clear that they’re making each other very happy. 

But Keith… he doesn’t want to see his little brother get his heart broken, over and over, seeing Lance and Allura like this. He knows just how much it hurts to see the person you love with someone else, and Keith – being the impulsive teen he is, even after the two years in the quantum abyss – isn’t handling it well. 

Case in point – “Would you guys stop flirting for one second?!” Keith growls. Shiro’s about to try and calm Keith down when the comm link between the ATLAS and the Black Lion is cut off abruptly, and the Black Lion flies off, leaving the other four behind. 

“Keith? Buddy? What happened just now?” Lance’s voice becomes tinged with worry, and Shiro almost lets his brotherly instincts take over before he reminds himself that being passive-aggressive with Lance won’t solve any problems. Lance can’t help being in love with Allura, and while he might not want to see Keith hurt because of it, it’s not fair to take out that anger on Lance either. 

“He’s having a hard time, guys. Leave him alone.” Surprisingly, it isn’t Shiro himself who says that, but Pidge instead – the feelings-adverse, techie Pidge, who almost always has a hard time understanding the emotions of her teammates. 

“Pidge! How do you know that? Seriously, what happened?” Lance asks, growing more desperate with each question. 

_I_ _f you don’t_ like  _him, then why do you care so much?_ Shiro’s inner snarky self huffs, irritated at Lance’s obliviousness. 

“ _Nothing,_ Lance. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” And Pidge’s voice shakes over the coms, sounding so much like Keith’s, and maybe it’s the distortion but Shiro  _swears_  he hears her give a sad little sigh.

_Pidge, are you okay?_  He nearly says before realizing it's really not his position to say anything of that sort. So he just disconnects the comm link after a quick goodbye with the paladins.

And he doesn’t know why, but he sneaks a glance at Curtis, who’s listening to the drama with an awkward expression. Curtis turns to meet Shiro’s eyes, perhaps sensing his gaze, and raises an eyebrow. Shiro feels his lips quirk up into a funny little smile, and Curtis returns this with a beaming smile of his own and suddenly Shiro’s chest feels too tight, his throat too dry, his face too warm. 

_Oh, fuck._

Somewhere in Shiro’s muddled mind, a voice of reason tells him that he’s blatantly staring at Curtis, and he should probably get back to his captain duties. 

He doesn’t really feel like doing that, though. Wouldn’t it be more fun to figure out the exact shade of blue that Curtis’ eyes are – somewhere between a dark sea blue and a lighter, playful sapphire, sparkling and clear and entrancing? Or maybe – trace the lines of his cheeks and jaw over and over, listening to him laugh at something that Shiro said, letting his worries wash away as Curtis responds with a joke or a quick jab. 

“Sir, I’ve taken the scan of the asteroid field and received note of the reparation of the cooling systems, can you put this in a folder and send it to the Garrison?” Veronica says, cutting through the sticky webs of these weird, sudden Curtis-oriented thoughts. 

Shiro blinks. Once, twice, washing out the remnants of the webs with extra-strength anti-crush cleaner. And he snaps back into leader mode. “Yes, I’ll do that right away. Coran, check if the ATLAS’s navigation system is still locked on to the Galra-occupied Balmera in the fourth quadrant of the Sagittarius arm.” 

“It looks like we’re still on track to reach the Balmera in 7 quintents!”

“Alright, that’s good.” Shiro says, cataloguing the things he needs to do. Upgrade the autopilot system, check out the new training deck, check with Sam and Slav if they need any spare parts, test the long-range pulsar guns and the electromagnetic cannon…  _maybe even get the courage to_ _ask Curtis to lunch tomorrow._ “I’ll go talk to Sam about the autopilot system and see if he can change the coding to include the scanners. Veronica, could you send a comm to Pidge to meet me at the control room? I’d appreciate her advice on the autopilot system as well.” 

“On it.”

Shiro steps down from the platform, relishing this small bit of normalcy at his crew working in perfect tandem, like well-oiled gears, with no sign of treacherous bordering-on-crush-y thoughts, when he hears Curtis say, “Asking for permission to accompany Captain Shirogane!”

_Fuck._

Maybe he should stop cursing so much, but if Curtis is insisting on going with him, that would really be a problem. He has to sort out these feelings first, has to stop this nervousness, has to chain down his heart and not let it escape because  ~~i failed adam~~ he can’t afford to catch any semblance of feelings, much less ones for someone who will be in close proximity to him.

There’s a hundred reasons why starting to like Curtis (or even considering the very terrifying possibility of it) is a bad idea, but the one that stands out most to Shiro is that it would be too dangerous.  _Both for him and me._

“What are your grounds for this, Lieutenant Williams?” Commander Iverson says. Veronica looks on in amusement and Shiro can already hear himself telling her that there is no gossip to be found here, no signs of illicit romance, nothing, zilch, nil. 

“With all due respect, sir, I  _am_ the new systems monitor. I believe I should know as much as possible about the systems of the IGF-Atlas, and this is the perfect opportunity to get more acquainted with the autopilot system as well.” 

And it seems that Curtis’s witty responses at lunch weren’t just part of his off-duty personality, because this man has a silver tongue to rival Pidge’s sarcasm, and his arguments are flawless. Even Commander Iverson can’t find fault, and he grunts, “Permission granted.” 

Shiro chokes out an “Alright, then, come along.” as Curtis shoots him another, very obvious wink.  

_What is he trying to do to me?_

_This feeling needs to stop. I can’t allow myself to do this._

He ends up letting Curtis drag him out of the bridge anyways. 

_Quiznak._

\--- 

Once again, Shiro finds himself in the elevator with Curtis, and once again, the silence is heavy, weighing on his shoulders just as much as his other worries. He anticipated this stress on his first day, and he’s been living with it for the last six months because of his odd status as both the Black Paladin and captain of the IGF-Atlas (the ship that probably saved the entire Earth from Honerva’s robeast).

He should probably talk to Sam about adding cheesy elevator music to the elevators, because he feels sorry for anyone who might be in his position in the future. 

“So.” 

“So…?” Shiro echoes. 

“That was a… how would you put it,  _interesting_ interaction. I thought the paladins had good teamwork.” Curtis seems nervous breaching the topic with him, and Shiro doesn’t blame him. After all, the paladins have been careful to keep their public image pristine, and add on the fact that Shiro used to be their leader – it’s hard to talk about inner drama with the former Black Paladin. 

“No shit,” Shiro snorts before he can stop himself, and Curtis honest-to-goodness  _gasps._

“You – you cursed! The order of nature has been disrupted, the ATLAS is losing power, the universe is falling apart!” It would be more dramatic if he didn’t descend into giggles halfway through the melodramatic speech. 

“I try not to, but it’s just so frustrating watching them. I swear, teenagers will be the second death of me.” 

“Second death?” 

“Oh yeah, did I not tell you about how I died during the initial attack on Zarkon’s fleet and got my consciousness transported to the Black Lion, and back again to a clone of my body after we defeated Lotor?” 

Curtis groans. “How can you say that like it’s a perfectly normal occasion for you?” He dons a terrible impression of Shiro’s leader-mode voice, “‘oh, I died but a magical space princess somehow revived my soul so everything’s A-okay!’ Only the legendary Takashi Shirogane could do that.” 

“You pronounced my name right.” Shiro notes. 

“Of course. I’m a fan, after all.” Curtis says shamelessly, right to his face. Grinning like he honestly doesn’t know what he just said, or the effect that has. 

Shiro hopes that Curtis can’t see his ears turning red. If he can feel them burning, though, his hopes are probably lost. 

“Um, anyways. The paladins do have good teamwork, but emotions can get in the way of that… And they have, on numerous occasions.” 

Curtis nods. “Yep, I can see that. Do you have logs on the current status of paladin relationships?” 

“What?” Shiro asks, confused. 

“Do you know the feelings that each paladin holds towards each other? Do you know who is into who? Any way you phrase it.” 

He wonders if he really does know. Keith has told him directly that he likes Lance, and everyone can see that Lance had a crush on Allura and that they’re now together, but as for the others… “Yeah, I think so – wait, why are you asking?” 

“They don’t call me the Garrison Matchmaker for nothing!” Curtis exclaims. 

“Please  _don’t_ try to mess with the paladins’ relationships.” 

Curtis sighs and props a hand on his hip, reminding him of Veronica when she’s up to no good for a moment. “No worries, I’m not going to mess with them, I’m just curious as to why Pidge is reacting like that…” 

_So Curtis picked up on it too, huh?_ They float into the 2nd floor hallway and Shiro looks around furtively, making sure nobody’s around, before he whispers, “Well, you already know Keith likes Lance, but I’m thinking that Pidge also probably likes Lance. Or maybe Allura. Could be either one. Hunk is with Shay – one of the Balmerans that visited Earth – so no tension on that end. And Allura was in a relationship with Lotor, but now she’s with Lance.”

“That’s a lot to take in. Didn’t Lotor betray you guys? And I think Pidge is leaning more towards Lance, she took the time to deliberately address him back there and she also seems to relate to Keith.” Curtis’ voice turns analytical at the end. 

Shiro thinks back to the interactions he (or his clone, technically, but he has all the memories) witnessed between Allura and Lotor, and of Pidge’s carefully constructed wall that hid all her emotions. “Yes, but before that, he was quite besotted with Allura, or so I believe. Pidge doesn’t like showing her emotions, but you’re probably right.” 

“Really? She gets very excited about tech.” 

“Only around tech. Pidge is – ”

“What about me?” interjects Pidge, floating outside the control room door. Belatedly, Shiro realizes that they’re arrived at the control room. He’d lost track of the time, too caught up in his conversation with Curtis. 

“Oh, Pidge! We were just talking about you!” Shiro says stupidly, his mind whirling for a believable lie. 

She gives him a deadpan, unamused look. “I know. You think I didn’t hear? What were you saying?” 

He can’t believe a 15-year-old that’s two feet shorter than him is making him feel intimidated, but Pidge’s cold, annoyed tone and her face, cast in sharp shadows, does the trick.

“I was asking how you got so good at working with alien technology. I saw the cloaking technology on your Green Lion the other day. It’s really very impressive that you managed to accomplish that with the limited knowledge you had of alien tech in space! Shiro says you’ve done lots more, too.” And of course, Curtis pulls off a flawless lie with a believable poker face, even accounting for the possibility that Pidge heard them talking about ‘only around tech’.

_Woah, he’s cool,_ Shiro thinks, not for the first time today.

Pidge’s shoulders slump and she sighs, turning to open the door. “Thanks.” She says, uncharacteristically dull for someone whose tech just got praised. Something like melancholy passes over her face for a second, and then it’s gone as she floats into the control room, followed by Curtis and Shiro.

Sam welcomes them with a rather strained smile. The poor man's first day back in space, in control of maintaining and fixing a ship with cutting-edge tech, and he's already had to get down and dirty with the cooling systems. Shiro can relate. “Katie! And Shiro too, and..."

"Lieutenant Curtis Williams, Sir."

"Please, call me Sam! What are you all gathered here for?"

In the back, Slav is draped over a strange glowing object that's emitting faint beeping noises, reminding Shiro much of the caterpillar from an old Second-Era movie called _Alice in Wonderland._  Pidge's spirits look slightly lifted as she scuttles over to Slav and begins discussing the machine in low tones.

"We're here to see if you and Slav could do some adjusting to the autopilot system. I believe you've already heard, but Lieutenant McClain turned on the autopilot before lunch and we ran into a large asteroid because the system did not run the long-range object field detectors. If you could adjust the coding so that the autopilot would run all primary and secondary detection and networking systems, that would be appreciated." And that's another item checked off his to-do list.

Sam adjusts his glasses. "I'll get to work on it and Slav will comm you when we're done. Anything else?"

"Yes," Curtis says, his voice confident and strong, "I'm the new systems manager, and I understand that you're the genius behind the ATLAS's systems. Could you please give me a quick overview of what they look like behind-the-scenes?"

_Translation: I'm a big fan of your work, can I have a tour, pretty please?_ Shiro's mouth twitches upwards at the thought, and he's not wrong - Curtis is darting not-so-furtive glances at the orange-tinted holoscreens covering the room, the upgraded machines in the corners and the walls, the sheer range of oversight and monitoring Sam and Slav have over the ship.

"It would be my pleasure. Could I speak to Shiro for a moment first?" Sam says, and pulls Shiro away before he can react.

"Sam, what is it?" He asks in a whisper, ignoring Curtis' curious stare.

"Katie has been different since yesterday night. She's quiet and less enthusiastic and she just seems so... empty. I tried to get her to talk about it, but she won't let me - or Matt, though Colleen might have succeeded - in. Do me a favor and try to talk to her, get her to feel better, anything, okay?"

Maybe Sam's stress isn't from the new job after all. The Holt family has spent far too long apart, far too long hoping that the others weren't dead yet, and family is the most important thing to Sam. It always has been.

Shiro sighs and chances a glance at the girl in the corner, curled in on herself now that she's exhausted her curiosity with the new tech and Slav is testing it once more. She looks distant and hurt and defensive, and Shiro's big brother instincts flare up once more. "Alright, I'll try."

Sam's face breaks into a truly relieved grin. "Thank you."

Curtis raises his eyebrows and tilts his head towards Sam once they're done -  _what was that all about?_ is what he seems to be saying.

Shiro shrugs and looks over at Pidge.

Curtis' mouth forms an "oh" of understanding, and he gives Shiro an enthusiastic thumbs-up before turning away.  _Good luck!_ ...or at least, that's what Shiro hopes he's trying to say.

He was going to see if he could catch Pidge during the next break and talk to her about what happened, but the sooner the better, right? He walks over to Pidge and sits down on the floor next to her, being careful to watch her body language to see if she wants her space right now. It's a few seconds before she squares her shoulders and meets Shiro's gaze halfway.

"What do you want, Shiro?" She asks.

"Is that any way to talk to a captain?" He responds jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. It's probably not working.

"I heard you talking. Lieutenant Williams might be a good liar, but you've never been. I know you were talking about my attitude." Pidge goes back to staring resolutely at the wall, and Shiro is reminded of a time when he sat next to the same girl on a different planet, proud of her mettle, her ambition, and her fierce, fiery love for her family. Now, he sees the shadow of a girl made stony by battle and by warring emotions, yet a flicker of that stubborn willpower remains, deep within her.

"I was just worried about you, Pidge. You seem out of sorts today."

She snorts. "Yeah, I guess so."

Shiro tries a different route. "Is it because - "

" _Don't_ start." Pidge buries her head in her knees and now Shiro is reminded of the girl who worked day and night, analyzing sound bits and weapons from one short clip all to find trails to her brother, crying in silent when everyone else was gone. He scoots closer to her, and when she doesn't move away, he puts a comforting arm around her trembling shoulders.

"I know it's hard when - " Shiro stops and chews his lip, unsure of where to go from here, only knowing that the direction his speech is going in is not what Pidge needs to hear. "Oh, screw this. Pidge, jealousy sucks. And I'm not going to tell you that it gets better with time, or that you'll mind it less, because that won't happen and it's stupid. And I'm not going to make you talk about it if you don't want to. I just want to say that if you ever want to let some stress out or rant about things, you can come to me. I'll listen."

By the end of his impromptu speech, Pidge is staring at him wide-eyed. And then - she  _smiles._ It's small and a little bitter and derisive, but it's still a smile.

"What?" He says, holding back a grin of his own.

"Nothing. Just didn't expect you of all people to say something so un-inspiring like that."

"Pidge. You've known me since you were 10, you know I don't sound like an inspirational holovid all the time."

"Well, forgive me for expecting you to say something more crappy adult-like, like 'everything will be fine' or 'life will sort itself out'!" Pidge huffs for a moment, then relaxes. "But really, thanks for saying that. I feel a little better already!" She jumps up and stretches, before she announces, "Well, I think Dad's got a handle on the autopilot code, so I'm going to go... train. And do paladin stuff. Yeah. Uh, see you later!" And dashes off.

Sam seems relieved at his daughter's bad mood clearing up, but Shiro knows. She's crying by herself again, and Shiro can only watch from the sidelines. But the girl back then was strong, and he knows the girl now is even stronger. More open. For all her experiences, greener and kinder. She'll be okay.

"Don't frown like that, Shiro, she'll be okay." Says Curtis, echoing his thoughts. He'd come to stand by Shiro while he wasn't looking, but somehow Shiro isn't surprised by the warm presence next to him. It only feels familiar and comforting, like he's filling in a hole that he never knew was there until it wasn't.

"Yeah. She will."

\---

The float back to the bridge is taken up by light conversation about work and how Curtis is adjusting and oh, isn't the Cassiopeia Nebula pretty from here?

And then they're thrown into the monotony of piloting in empty space once more, keeping and sending hourly logs of the performance of the systems to Sam, testing out the upgraded autopilot system by turning it on and having the lions fly far enough away to set off the long-range scanners, and meeting planning. If he remembers correctly, there's an appeal about a roommate switch for two of the cadets on boars waiting to be reviewed and signed when he gets back to his quarters, and that's only part of the paperwork.

It's terrible. Shiro loves space, he loves doing this, he really does, but the paperwork simply sucks.

Break passes by quickly, and before he realizes it, the dinner bell chimes through the ATLAS's speakers, and the ship is put on autopilot, the bridge members gather their things and shut down the holoscreens, and they're officially off-duty. Curtis happily agrees to eat dinner with Shiro and Veronica, and Shiro feels a wave of contentment in his heart as he watches Curtis and Veronica bicker over old English sonnets. It's normal and fun and peaceful, a welcome break.

By the time dinner ends and he says goodbye to Curtis and Veronica before leaving for his own quarters and mentally psyching himself up to do the tedious paperwork, he's getting suspicious. Around him, nothing is ever peaceful for so long, and it's rather odd that no troublesome incidents have occurred since the asteroid field.

Until he rounds a corner while he's yawning and a red-and-black blur prompted crashes into him.

_Yup, there it is._

"Keith! What's going on?" He asks upon noticing the identity of the blur.

A faltering scowl graces his little brother's face, accompanied with trembling hands and a furrowed forehead. Unlike Pidge, Keith shows his emotions on his face, no matter how hard he tries to shove them down, and right now he's obviously in distress.

"Oh,  _Keith..._ Come on, why don't we sit down somewhere so we can talk?"

But Keith just gives a strangled sob and throws his arms around Shiro, pressing his face into his chest. Shiro's arms make their way around Keith, feeling his brother shake with each muffled cry. It's breaking his heart, seeing Keith like this. After all, he's watched this boy grow up, from the scrawny, angry 12-year-old who showed such promising talent to the cadet and paladin who was quick to fight, especially to protect those he loved, and quick to close himself off as well, to the confident team leader he is today. Who is currently crying because of the emotions he had spent so long trying to get rid of - love, something Keith had viewed as a curse and as a burden.

" _Shiro..._ "

"I'm here, Keith."

Yet Keith pulls away suddenly, though his hands still cling onto the bottom of Shiro's jacket.

"Shiro... why won't he look at me?" He asks, each syllable loaded with the pain and rage and helplessness.

"Why won't he even glance at me? Give me a chance? Am I really that bad of a person? Does he really hate me that much?  _I don't understand, Shiro!"_ Raw, undiluted jealousy mixed with such self-deprication makes Keith's voice shake with emotion. It's rare that Keith cries and weeps quietly, like this, instead of resorting to training or simply yelling at stuff, and Shiro feels a sharp burst of irrational anger towards the happy couple, who unknowingly pushed Keith off the deep end, his little brother who's drowning in a toxic pool of feelings.

_Stop. It's not their fault. They didn't do anything wrong._

But it's hard to convince yourself that when you're watching your brother fall to pieces.

"Please tell me... why I can't be enough for him, ever,  _why?_ Why did it have to be this way?! Why aren't I the one kissing him, making him laugh and smile?!" Keith's voice echoes around the empty hallway, growing louder with each desperate, angry question. "I wanted to be the one who made him the happiest!! I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

"Keith, please - " Shiro stops. Keith has no one else to confide in. And he'll always be there for Keith, no matter what. So he hugs Keith tight and hopes that his embrace will convey all the things he wants Keith to hear.

_I'm sorry. You deserve to smile. I want you to have that future too. Everything will be okay, I promise it. I'll be there, always._

"I don't understand..." Keith slumps, wavering and small and so vulnerable, and suddenly he's the cold teenager that Shiro took in all those years ago.

"Why couldn't he love  _me?_ "

A crystalline question, a quartz flower, poised on the edge of a cliff, shatters.

And there are too many ways to answer this, none of which Keith needs or wants to hear, and Shiro doesn't know what to say. Tears prick in his eyes, threatening to fall into Keith's hair. And still, he hugs Keith tight.

"I'm so sorry, Keith..." he whispers instead.

_And still, hours later, when Keith has exhausted his tears and told Shiro he was okay, that he'd see him tomorrow, that he felt better, the question is ringing in Shiro's mind._

Why couldn't he love me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am basing curtis' personality off that 10 second scene we have of him talking... not a lot to work with here... anyways, Shiro is Best Space Dad and Coran is, as always, awesome. Next chapter: flashbacks, probably, but of what?


	4. Dreams of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is really too short for the amount of time that I spent not updating it. I got caught up in my MDZS fanfic for new year's....

That night, Shiro dreams.

Of the vast expanses of space, unexplored and brimming with potential. Of the light of the stars he had so desperately reached for when he was younger, and how harshly beautiful they were now that he was among them. He’s alone in the darkness, reaching out to the far-away light and hoping he could catch some of that radiant sparkle for himself.

Faces from his time as the Black Paladin flash by, scenes from the fight with Zarkon and Haggar, faint memories of his clone. They aren’t the ones he’s looking for – he must go back, back, back, before the fated Kerberos mission, before he met Keith, before he became the golden boy of the Galaxy Garrison.

His dreams land on one person, the man he loved with passion he’d never felt before, the man he foolishly abandoned in order to protect him.

_Adam,_ he whispers, reaching out one ghostly hand.

It touches the figure of Adam, and goes through, a force pulling Shiro into the past. The stars of space spin around him, faster and faster as he falls, until everything goes black.

And then he’s young again, 15 and standing proud at the entrance ceremony to the Garrison, catching the eye of a cute boy near the end of the line.

Commander Iverson gives an mind-numbingly boring opening speech and Shiro's thinking,  _can I please skip all his classes?_ The cute boy catches up to him after the ceremony and introduces himself as his roommate.

Then he’s 18 and graduating and holding hands with Adam, their futures stretching ahead of them. Neither of them aware of what would come to pass, smiling innocently.

They share a tender kiss as hats are tossed into the air around them, and Matt Holt snaps a secret photo of that moment. Later, they'll frame it on their nightstand. Shiro puts a smaller version of it in his locket when he leaves for the Kerberos mission.

Then he’s 20 and taking a selfie with Adam in their new apartment, bought with their hard-earned money from working at the Garrison. Visiting the school and chasing after Keith. Bringing Keith home to Adam’s approval.

Their daily life now includes an emo child and a troublesome cat, but that makes it all the more fun. This is Shiro's family, and he doesn't know how he got so lucky as to be blessed with them.

Then he’s 21 and collapsed on the floor, shaking as an attack overwhelms his senses, and he’s in a hospital bed. Adam leans over him in tears.

He clutches Shiro's hand and he won't let go. In the corner, Keith sits, quiet and withdrawn and scarily emotionless. And Shiro is truly scared of dying and leaving these people to mourn him alone. He wants to live so badly, to explore the stars and pioneer a new age, to travel the Earth with Adam by his side, to laugh and love and  _live._

Then he’s 22 and an atmosphere away from Adam on Earth, wondering if he’ll live long enough to see his love again.

His hands tighten on the controls but he does not think about turning back. What's done is done. Adam would only suffer more by watching Shiro die. _I'm protecting you,_ he thinks.

Oh, he knows what’s coming next. He feels the roar of Galra cruisers entering Earth’s atmosphere, hears the screams of people running from the explosions and soldiers and the stench of death and ruin. He sees the Garrison planes whizzing past him to fire upon the cruisers, being shot down mercilessly one by one. He knows which one is Adam’s. And he watches as it spirals out of the sky helplessly, smoke trailing from its wings.

_Why did you leave me, Takashi?_ Whispers the specter of Adam, a wisp of smoke curling around Shiro’s body.

_I needed you. Why did you leave?_

“Adam…” he chokes out.

Then Adam’s handsome face swirls and lengthens and melts into two people, turning into four – twelve – fifty – hundreds and hundreds of ghosts, surrounding Shiro.

_Why did you leave us? You were our hero._

“Please, I didn’t mean to – no…”

_We needed you, Shiro. And you weren’t there._

Shiro falls and he does not try to claw his way back up. What’s the point of fighting when you fail to protect the ones you love, no matter how hard you try?

He does not deserve to fight, anyways. He left Adam. He left him to die all alone, hoping desperately for Shiro to return, and he left Adam to succumb to a false hope. He could have saved them,  _he could have._ If he wasn’t so weak – if he didn’t allow himself to be captured and killed – if he hadn’t left in the first place –

He would have died fighting alongside Adam instead, and that’s a death that he would accept. Knowing that he did try as best as he could.

But no. Adam’s blood is on Shiro’s hands and they’re shaking and blurring as Shiro falls once more, through the non-linear tunnel of fleeting visions and whirling colors and disembodied voices calling out for Shiro, begging for him to move – to save them.

He cannot move. He is in the Black Lion and she will not respond to him, no matter how hard he sobs and screams and grovels. He watches as purple blasts of light destroy ships in a matter of seconds, and metal shrapnel flies outwards. He watches as the world disintegrates into ash and he does not move.

He watches as the love of his life falls from the sky like a proud eagle shot down, a rueful smile upon his face. He does not move.

Shiro let Adam die. His selfish wish to leave before Adam could suffer watching him waste away led to thousands of needless deaths on his hands. In thinking that he could protect Adam, he had doomed him to eternal sleep.

Adam’s ghost returns to Shiro once more, lighting up the bottom of the abyss that Shiro has fallen into. It hovers, waiting for Shiro to speak. To say something, anything, but Shiro has nothing to say except a flimsy apology that certainly cannot make up for his crimes.

“I know I’ve gotten a second chance,” he says instead. “One I don’t deserve to have. I killed you. I killed these people. Yet somehow I’m leading the ATLAS, and I’m responsible for all these lives once more.”

Adam’s ghost nods silently.

“Wasn’t it my selfishness that lead to your demise? How can someone like me be able to protect and lead? I don’t deserve this.”

And Adam’s ghost is still nodding, floating up and down but never leaving Shiro’s side. Emboldened by his presence, Shiro continues. “I can’t afford to be selfish like that. I can’t afford to have someone like you again. I must protect these people to the best of my ability – not any single one, but all of them. I don’t deserve to be leading them in the first place, but I will do it for you, Adam.”

The ghost turns his back on Shiro and disappears, but not without one last mournful glance behind him.

Shiro will take that as approval.

And then he’s alone once again, in the empty hall of a great ship, staring out the window at the unattainable stars. Unnoticed tears glisten on his cheeks with an iridescent sheen as he watches the peaceful darkness of the beyond, one he must keep now.

“I’m sorry, Adam.” He says, even though it means nothing because, well – Adam’s dead now, and what does a sorry do except resound uselessly? He’s dead and there’s no going back, he’s dead and it’s all Shiro’s fault, he’s dead and now Shiro pays the price for leaving and failing.

He’s dead, and yet Shiro lives on. He would have died a thousand times to save Adam, and yet he lives without even trying once. He's the pioneer of a new age, exploring the far corners of space, but what good is a dream realized only halfway?

Shiro wakes that morning to the realization that he is alone once again.

In the belly of a vast ship, surrounded by the life of his crew and the sounds of wake-up calls, Shiro’s second day aboard the ATLAS begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I PROMISE I'LL UPDATE SOON WITH A BIGGER CHAPTER  
> this is just a little peek at Shiro's psyche, I guess, and angst bc mdzs chapter 96 killed me.


	5. Take Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> elevators are the best places to have a talk about self-care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look its another short update... I got caught up in writing 2 other mdzs fics so I really have no excuse except the fact that I have way too many ideas and not enough time

It’s only his second day, and he finds himself roadblocked by a certain woman wearing a Lieutenant’s uniform, who just so happens to notice the prominent dark circles under his eyes and the listless way he carries himself, and decides to intervene.

“So yeah, I might not have gotten enough sleep last night, but I can still pilot! I’m your captain!” He huffs.

Veronica stares him down with a gleam in her eye that makes Shiro understand why Lance is so intimidated by Veronica.

“Yesterday at dinner.”

Shiro blinks. “What?”

“You said you’d sleep well tonight. I know you’ve been having nightmares since Sendak’s attack, but you have medicine to combat that. Have you been taking that?” Veronica’s tone is even and light on the surface, but he’s known the Lieutenant long enough to recognize when Veronica is playfully angry, and when she’s truly angry, like right now.

“Um. I didn’t take it last night.”

“ _How many times do I have to tell you –_ no, never mind. Just – get some rest, now. We can’t have you dozing off while you’re piloting.”

“Veronica, you aren’t my nurse – ”

She whirls around and stalks back to her station. The other pilots,  _those traitors,_ sit by and watch as she begins to chew Shiro out thoroughly for his lack of care for his own wellbeing and for being so flippant. “Yeah, I’m not your nurse but I’m still your friend! Go and sleep already! You’ll endanger everyone if you fall asleep at the helm while we’re taking our lunch break anyways!”

“She’s right, Captain.” Curtis pipes up. “You don’t look well. Even if you say that you aren’t going to fall asleep – and don’t try to deny it, I know you were going to say that – we don’t want to take that risk. Also, we’re your crew. We care about you.”

Even Commander Iverson chimes in with a gruff order to “Get your goddamn sleep already, you aren’t a cadet anymore”, which is basically a heartfelt “get well soon” coming from the prickly man, and Shiro feels himself bending under the pressure.

_No, my job is to pilot… I can’t just give up like this…_

“Who’s my stand-in pilot if I take this… break you’re asking me to take?” He asks, purposely wrinkling his nose. Technically, everybody in the room is qualified to take over his job temporarily, but they’re also going to lunch break soon and he knows that none of them have eaten breakfast, because they were jolted awake at 6 AM to steer the ship away from another asteroid field. They haven’t caught a break since then, being bombarded with tech notifications and updates from Sam and planning the liberation of the Balmera in Quadrant 4-Sagittarius.

His crew deserves a break. He, on the other hand, might not.

“One of the paladins can do it.” Coran says.

“Um. What about the management of the ship during lunch break? What happens if a tech problem crops up and the paladins don’t know how to deal with it?”

“We can ask Pidge.” Veronica nods, seemingly satisfied with how she’s backing Shiro into a corner.

“But what if – ”

“No more what ifs! Go. Sleep.” Veronica growls. She jabs her finger towards the door and Shiro backs down the stairs of his dais in surrender.

“But what about the paperwork that I didn’t do yesterday?”

“I can do it.”

“You aren’t authorized to – ”

Veronica rolls her eyes. “Commander Iverson can sign it, he’s authorized to do that too! No more buts! Go!”

Shiro looks to Commander Iverson for help, but he isn’t saying a word about how Veronica is bullying him into taking a break. In fact, it almost looks like he’s on the verge of agreeing.

“Alright…” Shiro sighs. He’s not doing this willingly, it’s just that nobody can get past Veronica when she’s like this.

“Great! Oh, and I don’t trust you not to collapse somewhere or to sneak off and do your paperwork secretly, so I’m sending Lieutenant Williams to accompany you to your quarters.” Veronica is practically beaming, and Shiro can’t help but wonder what kind of game she’s playing at, because she looks way too happy about this.

“I’ll be fine, Veronica, please don’t worry.”

His stomach flips queasily as he strides towards the doors of the bridge. And perhaps he might not be fine after all, but he’d rather not burden his crew with this issue any more than he already has.

“Lieutenant Williams, I order you to accompany Captain Shirogane to his quarters.” Barks Commander Iverson.

_Quiznack._

Curtis can’t refuse a direct order from his superior, and Shiro can’t suddenly decide to refuse to go to his quarters, or else Veronica will skin him alive. To put it lightly, he’s being assaulted from all sides.

And it had to be Curtis of all people. Kind, snarky Curtis, who’s becoming quick friends with Shiro, who Shiro can’t afford to become any more than crewmates with, no matter how cute or funny he might be.

“Roger that.” Curtis salutes and dismisses the reports on the primary engine’s efficiency he’d been viewing over. “C’mon, Captain, let’s go.”

Well, he has no choice now but to follow Curtis out the door while he curses Veronica and her argumentative skills.

Didn’t something like this happen just yesterday? Why does the universe keep throwing him into these kinds of situations? It really is impossible to win after all. And to make things worse, he hasn’t seen Keith at all today. His little brother has a tendency to run off when he’s vulnerable, and while he knows that Keith won’t do something irresponsible like abandon his duties as the Black Paladin to sulk, he’s still very worried.

“Hey. What’s on your mind?” Curtis asks, just as they reach the elevator.

“Oh. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“Of course I’m going to worry about you!” He snaps. “You’re our captain, and you take good care of us. We’re your crew, so you should let us return the favor once in a while. And don’t say it’s nothing, worry is written all over your face.”

Maybe Shiro’s been thinking about this the wrong way. Hearing Curtis’ words, he does realize that he hasn’t been letting anyone take care of him, and he’s always been the one nurturing others. He can’t help that he wants to take care of his crew, but maybe… it wouldn’t be too bad to let other people take care of him. Having friends who care about you doesn’t make you any less of a leader, after all.

“Thank you, Curtis.” He says, putting all his sincere feelings into a gentle smile.

Curtis stares at the elevator button resolutely as the tips of his ears turn darker.  _Cute._ “Ah, it’s no problem. So, is it Keith then?”

“What?”

“The one you’re worrying about.”

“Yeah. I talked to him yesterday and… let’s just say that jealousy has done a number on him. I’m worried that it might affect the paladins’ bonds and his own personal health as well.” Shiro bites his lip to stop him from saying any more, out of concern for Keith’s privacy.  _He wouldn’t want me to talk about how he isn’t in the best mental state right now to somebody who’s a stranger to him._

“And you stayed up all night worrying about him and then had a bad dream, am I right?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” And yes, he shouldn’t have neglected to take his medicine before he went to sleep, but he hadn’t been able to concentrate on the paperwork, his thoughts turning back to Keith’s tears and his nerves, hyped up on worry and anxiety. He’d collapsed into bed before he could even try to take it.

Curtis shakes his head and nudges Shiro’s arm. “Take better care of yourself, Shiro.” He says, just as the elevator dings. There’s already two men inside the elevator, wearing the uniforms of Warrant Officers, and they salute when they see Shiro.

“Ah, please, no need for formalities.” He says on reflex, used to telling everybody who salutes him as they pass by him in the Garrison hallways that. Shiro’s always felt weird whenever people his age treated him like a superior, and that odd feeling transferred itself to everybody below him as he got older.

Their arms drop, and Curtis pushes Shiro into the elevator.

“So… Captain, you aren’t taking care of yourself? Really?” asks the shorter man. There’s no malicious intent in his voice, just curiosity.

“ _Wei Ying._ ” Hisses the taller one, with the air of somebody who has found himself in similar situations dozens of times before. “I apologize for his insubordination.”

“Oh, no, it’s totally fine!” Curtis says, just as Shiro’s about to say the exact same thing. “Mister Hotshot here has a problem with self-care. It’s good to have some other people worry about him.”

Shiro sighs. “You realize that I’m the one who’s supposed to be saying that, right?”

“Well, you do have a problem! I never thought somebody as responsible as you would continuously forget to take his medicines.”

He is so going to talk to Veronica later about  _not_ mentioning his irresponsibility in his personal life in front of other people. This is embarrassing enough as it is, he doesn’t need these Warrant Officers knowing that their captain is like this when it comes to all things unrelated to piloting, space, or bureaucracy.

“I do not.”

“Do to. Lieutenant McClain said so.”

“Don’t listen to her.”

“But she’s technically my superior, so…”

The amused laugh of the shorter man – Wei Ying, is what the taller one called him – breaks up their jabs at each other. “Alright, alright, we get it! Take your medicines, Captain Shirogane, and don’t make your poor crew members worry.”

“I will.” He bites out. Why is everyone telling him to take care of himself today? He can do a perfectly fine job on his own, and while he appreciates their concern, he’s a grown man of 26 years old. One day of forgetting to take his medicines (never mind the fact that he’s routinely forgotten to take it for the past 3 months) isn’t going to suddenly make him an incompetent captain.

Curtis doesn’t seem to believe him, judging by the skeptical look on his face. Shiro grins, as if to say,  _hey, look at me, I’m fine! Like I said, don’t worry!_

“Anyways, Wei Ying, was it?” He asks, forcefully steering the conversation down the route of ‘captain-meeting-his-cadets’. “I haven’t seen you guys around before, are you new?”

“Ah, we’re transfers from the Garrison’s Chinese branch! Sergeant Officer Wei Ying, at your service.”

“Sergeant Officer Lan Zhan.” Says the taller man.

The elevator dings when it reaches the lowest level. The crew quarters take up the entire floor, and they include both spare rooms should they ever pick up alien refugees and completely unnecessary amenities like three game rooms and two different holo-theaters.

“Well then, looks like we’re going our separate ways! Like Lieutenant Williams here says, take care of yourself, I don’t wanna be on a ship with a sleep-deprived captain!” Wei Ying throws a wink at him before floating off down a side corridor.

His companion only spares them a nod that’s either one of acknowledgment or one that’s agreeing with Wei Ying, before he turns to float beside Wei Ying. He can feel Curtis’  _I-told-you-so_ stare boring into his back, and he indulgently takes a few seconds to compose himself before turning with a smile and gesturing for Curtis to accompany him the rest of the way.

They spend a minute floating down the maze of corridors in silence before Curtis stops and sighs.

“You want to be alone, right?” He says.

Shiro blinks. “Ah, it’s that obvious, huh?”

 “Yeah, well, you wear your heart on your sleeve when you’re tired.” Curtis notes.

“You’ve only known me for two days.”

“I’m good at reading people.”

“Then you should know that I don’t need all these people worrying over me!” He snaps, immediately feeling guilty when Curtis turns away from him.

“Look, Shiro. I don’t know what you have against  _your friends_ worrying about you, but it seems just as unhealthy as Keith keeping his feelings locked up. It won’t harm you to let people in once in a while. I know you feel like you need to be strong and perfect all the time, but just because you happen to be the Captain doesn’t mean you aren’t human.” And just like yesterday, when they first met, Curtis looks completely serious, like he’s 100 percent confident that he understands how Shiro thinks.

But the thing is, he  _does_ understand.

“It’s fine to be a little irresponsible and not really take care of yourself, but only if you let other people help you!” Curtis continues. “I get that you can take care of yourself, but is it really so bad to let other people do that too? And, well… you’re a pretty cool person. Even if you think you don’t deserve to be worried about like this, or you shouldn’t be because you’re the captain, I’m telling you that you’re very wrong!”

Shiro’s breath hitches in his chest as he stares at Curtis, indignant yet still concerned, those sapphire blue eyes of his shining as he catches his breath after the rant.

_But I_ don’t  _deserve to be worried about,_ is his first thought.  _I was the one who left and wasn’t able to protect the people and places I loved._

Then Curtis looks up at him and smiles nervously and Shiro’s sticky web of dark thoughts is washed away.  _But maybe… just maybe… if I can protect them now, then maybe I’ll be worthy of their concern. Of his concern._

Despite his best efforts, a laugh bubbles up within him. He isn’t quite sure what he’s laughing at, but he knows that it feels good – cathartic to let his stress out through the laughter, a gentle breeze wrapping around his worries and carrying them away – to be smiling again.

“O-oh.” Says Curtis, sounding strangely choked. “You’re laughing.”

“Yeah,” Shiro says once he gets his laughter under control. “Thank you. Wow, it feels like I’m thanking you a lot today.”

“You don’t need to. You’re my friend, of course I’m gonna worry about you.”

“I – friend?”

Curtis rubs the back of his neck, looking away shyly. “Yeah, unless you…”

“No! Friends sounds nice.” Shiro interjects before Curtis can finish his sentence. His heart is beating wildly in his chest as a smile blooms across Curtis’ face.

“Ah, that’s good! I was worried that you’d be angry at me for going on that rant and assuming that I know how your brain works…”

“Well, you  _were_ very cocky about that. You know what Commander Iverson would say.”

“Watch your insubordination!” They both chime in unison, Curtis in a terrible reproduction of Commander Iverson’s growl that has Shiro in stitches again.

“You should get some sleep now, Shiro. Do you want me to try and find Keith?” Curtis asks.

“Oh, okay… I think we need to give him his space for now. When I see him tomorrow, I’ll talk to him. Also, you tell me not to worry so much, then you proceed to worry about Keith? Hypocrite.” Shiro scoffs playfully.

Curtis rolls his eyes as he floats down the hallway, leaving Shiro to go the rest of the way to his rooms alone.

Halfway to the elevators, he stops suddenly and turns his head to look at Shiro, something that make Shiro’s stomach flip in his eyes.

“Sweet dreams, Captain.” Is all he says before he turns tail and floats back to the elevator before Shiro can catch up with what he just said.

Shiro’s left floating in the corridor, a scarlet red blush lighting up his cheeks.

Even after he reluctantly gulps down his medicine and clambers into bed, Curtis’ honey-warm voice saying ‘sweet dreams, Captain’ is playing on repeat in his head.

_M_ _aybe I will have sweet dreams today… thank you, again,_ he thinks before slipping into a peaceful sleep.  
  
---  
  
**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found a way to put in MDZS (mo dao zu shi) characters in a voltron fic. please go read the novel or watch the donghua, it's really an amazing story.

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone knows what Curtis's last name is (if he has one) please tell me...


End file.
